Where did the drama queen genes come from & how to break it off with them

In a nutshell: from all the movies that were used as a conditioner for the brain.

Full disclosure: I absolutely love movies.

I’m aware that the current parenting trends, case studies & the Holy Spirit unanimously agree that nothing screws up kids more than TV, yet I’ve been blessed with full time working parents that were pretty concerned with making ends meet and didn’t afford the luxury of trippin’ over TV demons.

No, I was not neglected, ignored or poorly cared for. My neurons did not get deep fried while looking at motion pictures and I never chose the TV set over parks, slides or playing outside. I had the house key dangling from my neck, but that was the only string attached to my imagination.

The love for movies was always a big part of me.

I really didn’t have a say in this, since for so many years I was the remote control of the family, way back when there was no such thing. Come to think about it, this might be the reason why folks had kids back then: you needed someone to change the channels for you. The remote control mission I chose to accept every time, did not bother me at all, especially since the fascination surrounding buttons was a thing in those days. The world itself was genuinely preoccupied with antennas, and the era of touch screens and smart TVs was way out of reach. In the same time frame, bread used to be the best thing to dig into. Yes, scary white flour, abundantly glutened bread used to be entirely devoured by the time you got home from the store. Bread was universally loved, despite the fact now it’s considered the number one natural predator of the human race, but this is another story.

Mastery, Musicals & Memory

Scout’s honor: there never was a better English Teacher than Cartoon Network. I was glued to it every night, until 10 pm, when the kid program was perfectly interrupted by TCM’s classic movies. Musicals, black and white motion pictures, stories that defy time. How could one possibly turn off the TV when Marilyn Monroe, Lauren Bacall & Audrey Hepburn are coming to your room every night? I fell in love with musicals from day one and I believe that this is an all or nothing affair: you either love them to death or can’t stand them.

I learned so much from the films and sitcoms that were running when I was growing up.

That’s how I got all of my English knowledge, accent & sense of humor. Every pun or childhood blunder came with a strong visual support and soundtrack, and my imagination knew no limits.

Movies taught me how to learn. I was so used to hearing the words and connecting the dots towards their meaning that, by the time I actually learned how to read, my memory was a well oiled machine that knew to associate sounds and images like there was no tomorrow. That was my pot of gold during the 4 years of Law School that tested the hell out of my mind’s retention abilities. Truth be told, the A from my Masters Degree is indebted to the same mesmerizing memory skills built as a child.

The unexpected Drama Genes

All those movies scripts I came to know by heart did a hostile number on the very blood pumping element that was forever loyal to them. They cemented a predefined vision of love that was impossible to shake off later in life. Every relationship I’ve embarked on followed a playbook I knew to be true and that went a somewhere along these lines:

• Boy sees girl, love at first sight — dhaaa! He bends over backwards to get to her and, for that to happen, you had to wait at least 30 mins or 3 seasons. The first kiss was always magical. Then something bad happened and they broke up, after which you’d sit around for the rest of the movie, waiting for them to be together again.
• The leading lady had to endure excruciating drama because without it, there was no way of telling if their love was the real deal. The guy was destined to fight for their relationship and take on anybody in its way, in order to prove that he’s worthy and that he’ll not make the same mistake twice. There was always another dude, the good guy that never ended up with the girl and got friendzoned for life, regardless of the amount of yelling you did while calling the girl all sort of names for not giving him the time of day.
• The protagonists would eventually end up together and everything would magically fall into place.
• The end.

Entering the mine field: what have we learned from here?

You only have one shot a love. Miss it and you’re done. No more happiness for you, dear friend!

Love just happens — You only need one look to know that you’ve found the one.

The beginning is of utter importance — It’s all in the firsts: first kiss, first time holding hands, butterflies in your stomach, angels crying when making love. Life has no meaning without all of this.

Love is pain — If you don’t cry me a river, it’s all for nothing. If it’s not about forbidden love, if he’s not a bad guy that needs to be turned over, if you’re not hurting — it ain’t happening. If you don’t give him the 8th “second chance”, if he doesn’t crawl back on his knees, if you don’t change your look in the process just to give him a glimpse of what he’s missing, it’s not a good sign. Same goes for taking down your glasses so he knows what a bom shell you were all along. If you don’t make him jealous and if his friends aren’t convinced, you don’t stand a chance!

You have to obsessively look for the one, and, when you find him, proceed into making him marry you — how else to majestically end your story if not with a wedding???

The most shocking realization of an idealist cinephile: Life is not like the movies

I stood there patiently waiting for love to find me, with popcorn in my hand and the heart on my sleeve. I did everything right, according to every script I ever saw. I had my fair share of drama, gave away second chances like free coupons, paired efforts with compromises and loved foolishly.

I’ve been in and out of relationships all my life, since everybody was doing so, both on and off screen. I’ve steered clear of singleness and saw it as the bitter confirmation that my existence is only half-done in the lack of a special someone.

I’ve learned the hard way that love knows so many different scripts in real life.

The inner screen, on which my feelings were humming so many new tunes, led me to better choices. Like the one to fight to have and to keep love, even after the gran finale. That never happens in movies, since you never know what the people are on to after the happy end.

No one ever talks about how the love that once made you soar becomes comfortable, even trivial, with time. Or how that small fact turns on memories and the need for drama. Once you get the happy ending and the partener of your dreams, you might find it a bit dull. The passion you once knew and the magic of each moment together becomes mundanely unremarkable.

You miss the uncertainty, the novelty & excitement

And, instead of acknowledging that this is a normal thing, and focusing on new things that get your romantic antennas aroused in every state of the relationship you have been dreaming of since forever, you start doubting it all. You begin searching for novelty in other parts, and, most likely, in other partners.

It never even crossed your mind that anything/anyone new, that seems roaringly appealing now will end up in the same tedious routine after a couple of years or less. That perhaps, any affair seems exciting & vibrant simply because it’s a flash appearance and not a regular thing in the days of your life. Or that in the very moment of choosing to make a rule out of a sexy exception you’d be stripping away its allure.

I have the perfect example of this: one of my fav leading ladies of all time, Carrie Bradshaw from Sex & The City, was relentlessly looking for love all over New York. She ended up with the one for her — Mr Big, but only after going through the nine circles of dating hell and every major heartbreak a girl can face. In the 2nd movie that followed the series, my girl Carrie is bored to death. She misses the old times, when going out and about was her thing, and the streets of NY were full of promise and fun. She needs more action, while her now hubby, Mr Big, wants to stay at home and watch TV. Turns out married life, with your soul mate, is not so electrifying after all.

An expected twist comes into play when, during an exotic trip with her girls, she meets an old flame. She takes up his dinner invitation and ends the night with a kiss, after which her guilt and regret take up the scene and eat her alive.

The most valuable lesson from all this mess comes from the character herself: “The minute I kissed Aidan, I remembered who I used to be. Someone just running around New York like a crazy person, trying to get the one man I love to love me back. And now he does love me, and he wants to sit on a couch in New York City with me. And I really hope my past hasn’t screwed up my future. And what’s so bad about a couch anyway?”

You see the irony, right? All the love lessons that I swore by came from the movies, then got upstaged by life and yet, I still turn to a movie quote! But if the woman has a point, who am I to disagree?

The need for drama is in us and blends perfectly with the belief that what we see on TV, on other people’s social profiles is better and brighter than what we have sitting on the couch. We fool ourselves into thinking this as long as the pictures have nice filters on and a tight bow on top.

I’m not saying to give up the lessons, even if they come from fictive characters running around ridiculously expensive shoes. I’m just here to invite you all to fearlessly adjust your own script, to redefine it any age and stay true to your story, even if the script lacks Hollywood glamour. Keep it real, keep it true!