The Ugly Truth about being Pretty

Pretty does not equal privilege.

We think that beautiful people have it easier in life.

They don’t work that hard, they get stuff for free, have a wonderful love life.

Everything magically works out for you if you have the looks.

We hear Hollywood stories about how others got discovered in a car wash or an airport and think that is how life works. You just have “to be pretty” and lucky.

We dress up little girls, bury them under tons of makeup and layers of stress just so they can participate in beauty pageants since they are 3 years old thinking they’ll make a name for themselves.

Why? Because we think beauty equals success and power.

That it means confidence and happiness.

Let me tell you my experience.

I was always the type of girl that stood out, even from an early age. I was always told I was pretty and grew up proving everybody right.

I was popular in high school, had boys sob over me and people turning their heads on the street.

I was indeed lucky to have great genes.

Yet I struggled all my life.

When people saw me, they only noticed my looks.

They were not interested in my point of view, in my hobbies or my interests.

I just had to look pretty and play dumb.

Guys wanted to show me off, but they were not taking the time to know me.

Girls hated me. It was always about some sort of competition I didn’t quite get.

I had no self confidence, because nobody thought I needed any.

I came up with a plan: make myself invisible.

I started wearing baggy clothes.

No dresses. No bold colors. Nothing feminine.

I made myself disappear from the spotlight. I’ve tried to fit in and not be the center of attention.

As the years went by and I started to go on to job interviews, it got worse.

I’ve graduated top of my class from college, got a Masters Degree yet nobody was paying attention.

People think you can’t be both smart and pretty.

Brains and beauty go well together on a t-shirt, but real life often makes it a choice.

So I had to prove myself, over and over again.

I worked twice as hard as everybody else so my managers noticed me for the right reasons. For my professional results.

I made it my quest to prove everybody wrong and make them notice my brain first. I made a promise to myself not to stand out.

I was still too pretty for a promotion.

I used to say no to corporate presentations, in front of the entire company, letting others take credit for my work. I was still dressing down.

Years later, I started therapy and I still remember the very first exercise I’ve made.

The task was easy: take a A5 sheet of paper, on the flip chart and draw a picture of yourself.

I’ve made an awesome drawing, I was always great at that.

Only one problem: I’ve made myself 2 inch big on the 5.8 x 8.3 inch paper.

I saw no problem with that, but my therapist did.

I was diminishing myself for so long, that now I had a minimum size for everything related to my life.

I’ve convinced myself I was small, invisible and more specifically, not important.

I saw myself as 10% of who I really was. I was living my life at 10% too.

That was my AHA moment.

No more shrinking myself down to fit other people’s idea of smart. No more hiding my beauty.

Started wearing dresses again and stopped with the limits.

My goals were always higher than my heels.

Once I started living life to the fullest and owned my truth, I stopped being concerned about others. They still gossip about everything I do, just like before. Only now, my skirts give them even more reasons to be jealous about.

I’m not flaunting my femininity, but I’ve embraced it.

My 2 cents: teach little girls to embrace their looks, but seek more than that.

If we started empowering girls from an early age, they’ll grow up knowing they have no limits. That beauty comes in different shapes and sizes, and that their brain is their biggest asset.

That they don’t have to settle, or choose one or the other.

That there’s more to life than being pretty.

Let’s teach them kindness and reward that.

Let’s start the conversation about acceptance. About self worth and body confidence.

Life is not beautiful just because you are.

You still have to work hard and be consistent. Nothing can replace that. Not beauty and not even talent.

Let’s stop the competition and start the conversation!