Practical Relationship Advice from a Serial Monogamist
“What dating advice would you give to your younger self?” was the question that started an emotional rollercoaster full of regrets, guilt, moments of pride and laughter. If only I could buy my younger self a coup of coffee and thank her for all the lessons!
When I was 25, all my girlfriends were married, having at least one kid or about to give birth. My biggest achievement by that age was to break up with a major jerk. They, on the other hand, seemed to have it all figured out. Met the love of their lives, got married, bought a house, planned kids and started their business or careers.
I felt this huge pressure to catch up.
I too used to have a list growing up and thought about life in deadlines: by 25 I’ll get that job, by 28 I need to get married, etc. I don’t even remember wanting all those things, but I do remember the burning sensation of feeling not good enough. So, I tried harder.
I was in serious relationships since I was 16 and a firm, eyes-wide shut believer in happily ever after. I’d wish someone had told me that not all relationships need to last forever. It would have spared me a lot of time and heartache. Here’ what else I’d wish I knew in my 20s:
Don’t follow the trend
You don’t need to get married, have kids or even date regardless of what other people are saying or doing.
Even the best intentions can do a lot of damage if they are not in tune with your inner desires.
Holy singleness
After every breakup, take some time alone and learn to enjoy it.
Stop relationship hopping!
You’re not giving yourself time to heal, to learn from your mistakes and to figure out what you really want from now on if you’re already entering a new fling. Not to mention you’re dragging all your past unresolved issues into this new romance and dumping them on that next person.
Try living on your own, go out by yourself and have fun. It will do you and your future relationship so much good.
It’s OK to Outgrow your list
We all have a list of things we need to do in order to feel accomplished.
Knowing what you want is a the first step towards achieving it. Just remember it’s OK to grant yourself the permission to outgrow the list you’ve made at 17, to adapt, to grow.
You are under no obligation of being the same person you were yesterday and it’s perfectly normal to strive for better, to uplift your standards and try something new.
Upgrade your communication skills
All of your partner’s outstanding qualities that make your heart twinkle will not mean a thing if you’re expecting the him/her to magically know what you want from him. There’s no work-around this fact: the way you use this ability will make or break any relationship.
Learn how to speak your mind, state your desires and expectations, empathize and learn how to fight in a constructive way.
Don’t settle
Constantly work on yourself and don’t settle for a person that doesn’t meet your standards or doesn’t appreciate your worth.
In order to find this special person, you have to do your part and constantly improve and learn from every failure, heartbreak or obstacle coming your way and become the kind of person you’d like to date.
Always choose a partner that challenges you to be a better version of yourself and with whom you can grow. Don’t settle just because everybody else does it so easily.
